Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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