I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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