If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
