I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I love having hate sex.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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