im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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