Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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