it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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