youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
