Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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