1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
