ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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