i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I deserve this hangover.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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