Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
There's even glitter on my cock...
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