I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
