They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
