New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
