Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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