omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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