I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
