bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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