she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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