i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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