break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I need to calm my uterus...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
