haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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