Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize