entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize