We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
