Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you will always have a special place in my vag
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
