ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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