How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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