just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
