dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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