Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
