I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
