I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
