Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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