i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
