My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Is it penis luge time yet?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
