i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
