he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
