Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
