dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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