There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
