You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
