did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
