I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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