Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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