Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Randomize
