i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
