I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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