Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
