Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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