I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
