did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
