We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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