just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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