She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
