I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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