So drunk its hurt
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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