Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize