An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
