I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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