You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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