I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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