It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
