In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
sarcasm needs its own font
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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