it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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