clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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