She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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