I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
