thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
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i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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