Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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