something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
