i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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