I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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