Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
