oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
