I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Still dying that you shit outside
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
