I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The chlamydia really affected his face.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I deserve this hangover.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
