I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
