Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I fill condoms, not promises.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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