Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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