I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
