We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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