the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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