remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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