last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
